Official Seaton Carew RUFC

Times ticking on, seats on the bus are going fast. Any 1 still wanting to get on what could be a very extra special tour this year, need to get there name on a seat for the bus quick cos once there gone there gone.

It appears the weekend were going is the same weekend St Georges Day.

I've also heard that Chester is thought to be the same place King Arther ran the knights of the round table, some were in history called Camelot.

Well it was actually around Winchester, but its got Chester in it. ( This bit is for you Mr Clark before you start waffling about The Whole Truth )

MMMMMMMMMMMM i wonder is there some hints about what the tour theme is going to be this year.

Was Arthur a true, historical figure or only a hero of legend? This is truly up to each and every one of us to decide for yourselves on seatons tour 09. Arthur represents a man who was the epitome of good against evil, light against darkness, and that eternal, never-ending struggle between what is right and that which is wrong.

This sounds just like our tour committee never wrong and always right !!!!

The tour committee have been drawing up the plans for this tour since the end of the last, with a lot of new additions and changes to what is all ready a strong format. At times its been hard work ducking and diving arranging meetings in secret, at secret venues, at secret times ( THIS BRINGS THOUGHTS OF ANOTHER TOUR ). Put yet again the committee have manged to raise there game so don't miss out and get your cash out.

Long Live seaton tours..........

Long live tour committees............

Long live the knights of the round table (RT for any dumb wits who didn't know)......................

Long live the power 5.................

Yes the power 3 is dead and the power 5 has been reborn.

Did you know....

Camelot has no Geographical location within the British Isles....Winchester, Somerset and even locations in Wales have been put forward...

Camelot first appeared in 12th-century French romances....

Not to mention the fact Arthur declared himself King because 'some watery bint threw a sword at him'....not really the grounds for Royalty really....

'The table at which they met was created to have no head or foot, representing the equality of all the members.'

Didn't HE throw the sword at the watery bint. Prior to that hadn't some bearded freak left it in a stone.

You could be right, when it comes to King Arthur & the Knights of the Round Table, there are so many varied different stories who knows what’s true! That’s what makes it all so mystical….just like the Tour!!!

Bring on Chester 09!!!

If we are in the spirit of the KOTRT, is everyone going to get equal treatment….

You lot will be more like the Barron Knights than Knights of a round table.

Arthur could be deriven from the old welsh arto-uiros meaning "bear man"
Appy would fit this bill as he is usually Grizzly especially on a saturday, can be found on all fours near wheely bins when drunk in Benidorm and needs regular shaving of fur from body parts.

Has Brahamsy asked to go back to the 12th Century when he started playing rugby for seaton?!! Kenny could never be confused with Arthur as he would never have passed his sword(rugby ball) on.

I assume Jeff wanted to go back and worry the horses with his huge appendage, the 12th century being a time with no cars or trains to get around on, he will be seen near the stables. He couldnt be arthur either as he wouldnt have needed the sword!!

In a time before 'Just for men', Captain C's jet black hair will mean he looks considerably younger than his 45 years. Again no arthur here as he could not grow the beard for fear of being found out as the 12th century Philip Schofield!

Brookesy will be fishing out his cans of 12th century Skol that he keeps in the loft and his saving of old english groats (not to be confused with Billy Lithgo the old english goat) to use round the town. Again no arthur traits here, he would have fought for 2 weeks and then naffed off to france for a couple of weeks holiday!

I think this should cover the 5 Barron Knights.

Long live a republic with no King!!

Long live the Virgins,
Long live the Whores,
Long live the Helmet,
Long live the Late Comers,
Long live the Punishment for All,
Long live the furry Backed Fellow,
Long live Jaffas Late Night Hovering,
Long live Trainy's rampage of Tormentation,

The Knights of the Oval Table Prayer :
(Hands On Heart)

Our power of 5, who art in Chester,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Seaton come,
thy will be done,
On the bus as it is in the club
Give us this day our daily Parmo.
And forgive us our dropped passes,
as we forgive those who dropped passed against us.
And lead us not into white line temptation,
but deliver us from the eye of the tiger.
For thine is Seaton, the Boxing day dip and the tour.
for ever and ever. The power of 5

Well Mr Clark the Power 5 like your spirited effort at a attack on the tour knights.

At least you dare come forth as no pretender this year such as the whole truth, i'm surprised we haven't seen the other dark knight on here yet Big V.

There is as we know a place for all on seaton tours and as there is for you eddy.
This year i can see you been the roast hog getting spit roasted at the medieval banquet.

Be very careful they who dare the P5 have lots of new ways to deal with the peasants.

I don't need to come on with some strange name Sir laughalot
sorry Lancelot sorry Ian Cambridge. The power of 5 as usual is week just cos Brooksey is coming on tour means nothing he wont be there half the time. I feel the virgins will be strong this year, will there be an uprising, will excalibur be stolen, will Ian cambridge ever come on here with his real name. Lets wait and see
:oD:oD:oD

Arthur was the 1st born son of the KING UTHER PENDRAGON and heir to the throne. However these were very troubled times and I, a wise magician , advised that the baby Arthur should be raised in a secret place called Seaton Carew and that none should know his true identity.

As I feared, when the KING UTHER died there was great conflict over who should be the next king. I used my magic to set a sword in a stone. I wrote on the sword, in the colours of seaton carew (gold) "WHOSO PULLETH OUT THIS SWORD OF THIS STONE IS THE RIGHTWISE BORN KING OF ALL ENGLAND." Of course all the contenders for the throne took their turn (Eddy Clark being one of them) at trying to draw the sword, but none could succeed. Arthur, quite by chance, withdrew the sword for another to use in a tournament his fierce cousin Captain C, but because his cousin was not strong enough to lift the sword with the gold writing on it, it fell back into the hands of arthur who eventually became KING.

Arthur had a couple of wifes the first one running away with a new lover to a lovely island called Seal Sand this man supposidly was called brookes with his first born child , history shows the name of his first born was called Deggsy. This child was never to be found, he who should have been the King Of England. he was looked after by a man called shun.

Knights of the Round Table were those men awarded the highest order of Chivalry in the Court of Seaton Carew. The table at which they met was created to have no head or foot, representing the equality of all the members. Different stories had different numbers of knights, ranging from only 5 to 45 or more.

Sir Rob of the Bar describes the Knights' code of chivalry as:

To never do outrage nor murder
Always to flee treason
To by no means be cruel but to give mercy unto him who asks for mercy bar virgins
To always do ladies, gentlewomen and widows succor
To never force ladies, gentlewomen or widows
Not to take up battles in wrongful quarrels for love or worldly goods

Gingers are King Arthur's court jester's in the Arthurian legend, and are not allowed to be Knight's of the Round Table. In some versions of the story they are merely buffoon's who have been knighted as a joke, while in others they are actually valiant warriors. In Ginger D' Nuisence, for example, he is mostly portrayed as the former, and often is found fighting off Knights from coal bunkers, milk floats & white vans.

I have been researching Chester with a view to letting you know what is around in the 12th century.

Pub: The Scruffy Inn - Pub landlord Biggus Veus known as the Big V has transformed this establishment after the previous landlord ran off to run a pie shop, this also folded fairly rapidly. Be careful of 3 dodgy locals when entering the Inn. Mr Angry, this aging ex rugby player should have been born a dwarf and can wax lyrical on cheese, lived long in the 'West'. Do not engage in conversation about dairylea. The tramp knacker can be seen to roam these establishments, will do damage to local paintings by playing catch with poor local rugby players. The Ogre will be found at the bar challenging anyone to drinking competitions. Would be ideal to base a series of films on his life.

Hotel: The bates motel - This fish smelling local motel is looked after by Norman Salmon and his mother. Do not look him in the eye.

Accountant: Peter Storey esq - Will be able to talk with you for hours about local 40% higher rate taxes. Will do your tax for free if you can beat him at an arm wrestle or punch strength.

Shops:
Farmos Jumpers: Be amazed by the quality of 11th century work which goes into these sweaters, especially the pink ones.

Captain C beauty salon: known for his perfectly manicured hands, this shop is always pristeen, the owner has many staff as he doesnt like to get his hands dirty. His jet black look is completely natural.

Woolworths Market: This shop opened by Appleyard and the shad. Name came about because of ones back and ones head. Appleyard can be heard shouting the offers on a saturday afternoon whilst the shad has the munchies.

Mong strength fitness studio: Named by wombat legend routledge senior, father of the streaker. Kenny is the owner and this business will just keep on going and going and going.

Hats the way to do it: Buzz lightyear has opened a shop selling huge hats for people with oversized noggins. To infinty and beyond.

Service industries:

The Chester Herald Express: known as the H express after its editor, has fantasic coverage of local rugby team, sponsored by team player Jason Norman, leftover from the conquest.

Jesters - The old goat and son can be hired for events, ply the old goat with local mead and he will injure himself on simple household items or window ledges. Old goats son will amaze with tales of far off lands like elwick (passport reqd).

Boat Trips: The river dee can be crossed via a new long boat skippered by Captain Si of pugwash. Known relative of Mr Angry has had to move to another town for a quieter life.

Pleasure Beach: Not as you would think, this is owned by Ken Perv. All kinds of debauchery aloud. Ken could well join in though.

Local Fighting: There are a couple of options if you end up in a local dispute. The tramp knacker could get involved if he feels like it. However youre best option is the local knight.

Sir Jeffrey of Hugus Appendage (KOTRT). Sir Jeff will enter a joust without a lance using just his own body and is yet to be beaten. If you need to find him then he sleeps at the fire station where he has wet dreams and the fireman mainly seaton carew rugby players use him as the pole.

Advice: Local ladies wore chasity belts and these contraptions can snap back breaking mens forearms, please bear this in mind as it has affected seaton players this season.

Local secret society: back in the days before the masons, there was a secret society known as (KOTRT), this was for a handful of sad men. Playing a local game with paper swords they would run through the town abusing local men especially the young ones. The spokesman said to be running a local beauty salon would hide behind a number of aliases spreading malicious local gossip especially relating to speaking truthfully.


Hope this helps everyone when arriving in Chester, only a 3.5 hour bus ride and 155 mile journey, sit back, relax and hope that they ordered a bus with a working toilet or it could be a 6 hour journey.

Touring - its good for you but even better to grass!!

Undeterred by his previous tour disasters, DucksArse gives a poetry reading to an illustrious audience, a spectacular locale - and a tedious patron of the bar who is subsequently afraid of putting his hand in his pocket. Brought in for a virgin tour as The Talking Horse he is said to be an unscrupulous banker, a whizz with words, which ought to be published, despising all and trusting none. Once again the court watch and wait for him to fail.
Meanwhile, Mr Know It All, the subject of unseemly gossip, grows restless, he tries to create unrest but has yet to finish what he has started. He is hovering dangerously, trying to move the virgins and all that will listen against the bench, to some this is a worry but not to all.
As the enforcers gather, Semi Skinned is encourage to continue with his ways, nothing if not predictable, hopelessly in the Temple of Captain C, the summer heat rises, and all Scrooge brings before him will be quashed. While the court echoes to the sound of his voice, he will come crashing a like a needy author being dropped after failing to meet deadlines.
The safest ploy is to stay at home and read a good book, as going to the bar would be a bridge too far.
Who ate the flan? Who drank all the free drink?, Who would buy an orange squash because there was free vodka on the go? Where is the evidence? Surely this is the role of the court to decide. And will The Talking Horse be able to assemble all the suspects for a showdown in Chester, then force Scrouge to come clean? Could he turn from the dark side to the light & find a position on the bench or would that be a henious crime in its self?

The town of Chester is south of Manchester, near Wilmslow. There is a rock with an old man's face carved in it (must be Harry the linesman face) and a stone trough on the ground. Under it is written "rink of this and take thy fill of beer, for the water falls by the court of 5".This is the site of the cave legend association with Coach Clark were he is seen to be slobbering about with an MT glass talking his usual SHITE.

At Chester’s Edge there is supposed to be a concealed cave within the rock behind the old man's face, and King Arthur and his knight’s wait for the time when Seaton tourists needs return. One knight does not have a horse but has an enormous 3rd leg called Excalibur. Merlin stops a man who is on his way to town to sell a horse. The wizard offers to buy it for the horseless knight who goes by the name of Jeff S. Merlin takes the man inside the cave and offers him all the treasure (BEER) he can carry in exchange for his horse. The man agrees and no one has seen the COURT OFICALS since.

But as legend goes, it is said they will return about the April 24-2009

The peasents - clearly not Judith Chalmers.

Chester is as close to Wilmslow as Seaton is to Barnard Castle. I dont class that as near. I have not suggested any kind of revolt against tour committee, this is left to Big V. I am purely pointing out details of 12th Century Chester and the KOTRT.

Why is that foul language getting through, the only foul language I know is chickens and turkey. Shrek sort it out.

I want to confirm the story of the KOTRT. King Arthur of Woollyback known for his booming weekend voice, ability to sleep in bins and incredible amount of body hair wanted to surround himself with a motley crew of ruffian knights to defend the scrufs on tour.

He sat back on his smelly woolsack (no seat required) and decided that he required knights with different skills to defend the tour.

He first recruited Mongo the Strong, this legendary knight seemed to have lived and fought for years, he was known for his crash sword. A particular liking for Spiced Rum and partied especially hard after naming himself knight of the fight.

Then he recruited Sir Jeffrey of Hugus Appendage, noted throughout the age for his lance work. He could not be slaughtered due to his bodies bloodflow being transported to his extremity. It is thought that he may have been Sir Lancelot for obvious reasons. A song was written in his honour by Rolf the Painting Aussie called Jake the Peg.

The wars that the Woolly Mammoth Arthurs army took place happened back in the dark ages, Arthur recruited a knight who was hard to see in these ages, known for his dark looks and unnaturally jet back hair. Captain can you C me was invaluable in creeping up on the opposition, although Arthur was never sure where to use him in his ranks. The captain never told his secret but after his death his hair was buried in numerous locations such as saudi, north sea and kuwait and helped them make their fortunes.

Arthur needed a right hand man and even though he was a big hairy man, he managed to find Sir Big Gallute, known for his strong arms and mouth and dodgy hair parting, he could throw and spit outrageous dummies. His dummy would come right out when he was left to drink with younger knights and followed his great friend the Woolly Rhino Arthur to far out lands.

Things to remember when addressing the King - Arthur has never set foot in a pub called the slaughtered lamb, the sight of blood and wool is too much for him.

Be sure to tune in shortly to learn more about KOTRT.

Good to see there is about 15 people now paid up on the tour.

Come on the rest of you get ya get the cash out, you realy don't want be the one's to miss out.

With all the crack starting early this year and people like coach clark starting the up risings, this could be one of the best weekends in tour history.

long live court rule..........

It was good to see Gary Bush took advice of the old court over the weekend and trimmed the Leo Sayer hair do he had going on in his dads pants.

I'm sure if he had not take action the new court would of been forced to deal with the hairy issue at some point on the tour.

i'm back nice to see the same fools are on here nice to see capt c really hasn't got a clue who I really am and still thinks i'm someone else. Its great seeing someone else get the blame. One day you'll get it right and might even come on here with a real name instead of the 24 other ones you use.

Big V move over theres a new V in town!!! Your poor attempt to start an uprising have been shamfull this year all virging will unite and over throw the so called power of five!
this year virgings will Rule, seasoned tourist are now given the oppertunity to become born again virgins.

remember its not alway good to grass!!!

To the power of V!!!!!!!!!!!

HaHa so another usurper brings his name into the ring it really doesn't matter capt c still hasn't got a clue who either of us are and never will. He thinks he knows it just so funny as he carrys on blaming the barman. If the capt wants to check the big v actually registered his name think you'll find this name isn't registered and it never will be too easy for you to trace who I am. So keep guessing the power of 5 ish maybe the bigger V is one you have to watch I might just stand aside and let the fun unfurl

hahahahahahahahahahaha