The Cricket League is Upside Down

By Adam Hilless - May 18 2012
The Cricket League is Upside Down Read Adam's report of Baston's first game of the 2012 season. Home against Boston 2s.

After the recent early-season monsoon, Baston started life as a SLBL Division 2 side at home to Boston’s 2nd XI. First on the agenda was to erect Lloydie’s brand new £500 sails sightscreens. Everyone was generally happy to help, with the exception of Ant (looking for lost butler) and Felix (too thick).


bos - sidescreens


Despite Lloydie getting a massive bag on due to some perfectly innocent questioning from Tim, the sightscreens made it up in good time. It’s fair to say there may have been some minor miscalculations in the planning though, as the sightscreens just about reached waist-high on the bowler during his delivery stride.


The opposition eventually arrived, and were quick to question why there were two sailboats parked on the Shrine. After explaining that these were in fact sightscreens, Tim and Deano went to toss up. Knowing the importance of winning the toss and bowling first in damp conditions, Tim duely lost the toss, and Baston were asked to bat.



Jono and Ant got off to a steady start, seeing off some good early bowling. By the 5th over, Bowser had finished his Big Mac and turned up. After Jon had been removed by a ball that started straight, finished straight, and did absolutely nothing, Lambo (who had grown his comedy beard on Sporty Scotty this week) joined bezzer Ant at the crease.


Unfortunately, things went downhill from there. John and Ant ended up at the same end of the crease, and the former was run out. John took this really well…for about 20 seconds. Bat-throwing, name-calling, slagging-off, and generally wobbly-throwing ensued. Ant later claimed the run out wasn’t his fault, despite:

  • There being an easy single on offer
  • Refusing to run
  • Ball watching
  • John calling yes
  • It being John’s call

Other than that, no blame was attributed to Ant.


bos - ChanderpaulBravo

Shiv Chanderpaul does his best Ant Morris impression at the 1st Test on Thursday.



A maiden SLBL monster six over the bowlers head did go some way to making up for the comedy (lack of) running, but lobbing a dolly to mid off probably didn’t. Cue the mother of all bag-ons.


Ant stormed off the pitch, accusing Jono of “contaminating” his £20 a bottle mineral water. After hurling abuse at anyone within 20 feet, he then stormed off to buy another bottle from Marks and Spencers, refusing Adam’s kind hearted offer of a sip out of his 500ml Volvic bottle.


bos - Squash


Rock-solid number 5 Felix made a beautiful looking four runs before succumbing to Deano, leaving Baston in bother on 44-4. Liam endeavored to overcome his boredom by smashing the ball to all parts, contributing most of the runs in a stand of 41 with Bow-Wow. After Bowser lost concentration (“should I have had a Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal?”) and lobbed up a dolly, the Baston collapse reared its oh-so ugly head.


Bos - Deans

Paul Deans (left), Harold Bishop umpiring (right)


Adam, Ben, Scotty, and Doug followed Liam back to the pavilion, as Baston lost their last 6 wickets for 4 runs, SB Haffi Mazhar finishing with 5-12. Scotty was a tad unlucky to be given out lbw by Pat MaDonkey, seeing as the ball pitched 2 foot outside off-stump and hit him in the ribs. Nonetheless, Baston would have 89 to defend.


Teas were enjoyed by all apart from Ant, who had still not returned from M&S/Waitrose.


Fuelled up on tea and a 20-minute moan from the under pressure skipper, Baston began the defence of their slightly under par total. Dougie opened up with his usual array of jaffa after jaffa, conceding just 6 runs off his 8 overs. There was even a token second-slip thrown in at one point, much to the bowler’s amusement.

bos - Doug

Typical class from star man Doug


Liam made an early breakthrough, having the opener stumped by tumbling-mess Bowser. Despite admiring the nearby scenery, PMD raised the finger anyway. A second soon followed, Liam catching the batsman out with a ridiculous half tracker.

bos - Liam Hardhat

Liam, equipped with hardhat for his usual early season beamers.


Boston’s 3 and 4 put on a decent stand, so needing a wicket, Tim brought himself and wicket-machine John Lamin on. Tim cleaned up CS first ball, before Liam claimed an excellent catch on the boundary off the same dross bowling.


Unfortunately, the same could not be said for anyone else. On the first day of Tim Dyer’s Fielding League, negative points for awarded to Bowser, Jono, Benny, and Tim himself for dropped/bottled catches.


Boston got across the line without any further mishaps, condemning Baston to a miserable 2-point loss on the first day of the season and sending them to the foot of the table.


There was better news for Jono though, who earned a weeks worth of wages off the other lads at Killer later in the evening. After storming straight off to a cheese and wine evening, it is rumoured Ant cheered up around Wednesday.




bos - Sporty

Sporty trying to make crush Chels jealous!



Fielding League to be updated on seperate thread