Baston Bully Grantham!

By Adam Hilless - July 6 2011
Baston Bully Grantham!
No sympathy from Sporty! Baston welcomed Grantham for this SLBL clash hoping to put last week's defeat at Moulton behind them

With no rain anywhere to be seen, Grantham actually had to play their SLBL clash with the mighty Baston. There was some interesting selection news coming from both camps. Caribbean Clubber Lloydie returned to the Baston line-up, along with general let-down Adam, general bore Bowser, and cack-armer Liam. Ant Snr was dropped for poor form and refusing to subsidise the 2012 YaYa tour to St. Tropez.

Gratham included Neil Neil Orange Peel following his recent transfer from Alstonfield, superstar Danny Ashley, some small kid pouched from a lay-by on the A15, and Stuart Wildish. Being the only Grantham player above the age of 14, skipper Donnellan got off his rubber dinghy and won the toss and chose to bowl first.


Mark Donnellan

Grantham skipper/Towns's mate Mark Donnellan


The game eventually started after the lone umpire spent 25 minutes lecturing the scorers on how to acknowledge a wide, which actually turned out to be fairly useful advice. DannyBoy opened up the bowling with fellow youngster Cross, the latter cleaning Lloyd up for a golden quacker, and removing the hopelessly out-of-form Jono Howard (4) in the second over. Liam was already bored.

After just 2 overs and 5 wides, DannyBoy decided he was too good to bowl seam and reverted to spin slow bowling. The Laminator and Bowser began to build a decent partnership, with John (32) particularly brutal on poor Danny, dispatching him for a monster six into the bushes. He fell shortly after though, skying a pull off Neil Neil Orange Peel. Bowser (16) then got bored and ran himself out before declaring it was a fair call because he would have made it if he was 6 stone lighter. Felix was still giggling and shouting “DIIIISH!!!” at every Grantham player while umpiring at square leg.




Another decent partnership followed between Rico (13) and Liam (17). With the score ticking along nicely Rico was cleaned up by a kid called Rory, who had just replaced the wayward and wicketless DannyBoy (shaaaaaaame!). Liam suffered the same fate soon after, leaving ginger-quota and skipper Tim to endure another tedious Felix innings. Liam was still bored.

Amazingly, the pair batted faultlessly, Felix (23) creaming a glorious cover drive, and Tim (33) biffing boundaries all over the park with loads of effort and nitto style. Their partnership of 61 in double quick time rocketed Baston towards the 200 mark, before they both fell to the returning Cross. Despite some lower order heave-ho from Kolpak star Dougie (10*), Baston were all out for 194, Adam (1) and Sportsta (7) the last men to go.


 Tim - Grantham (h)

 Good knock the Captain


The usual tea-time shenanigans were on offer in the Spinner, where a record 8 players managed to find a sandwich! DannyBoy had begun drowning his wicketless sorrows with a not-so-well earned pint.

Tim opted to give Liam a share of the new ball, after him and Dougie destroyed Grantham in the reverse fixture a few weeks back. The pairing of right and left armers, good bowling and complete pies, was working a treat. NNOP fell early on his Grantham debut, skying Liams 7th full-toss to the Laminator. DannyBoy came in at 3 and played really really well for one ball. Unfortunately, his focus slipped second ball, and a wild swish saw him caught behind off Doug for a big fat nought. Danny took this really well though, managing to swear, abuse, shout, scream, cry and wave his bat around about 6 dozen times before eventually storming off. Good egg.






Lost count....





Number of people sworn/moaned at

Approx. 15

Danny Ashley's contribution to the game


Cwying - Grantham (h)



I apologise now if the rest of this report is rather brief, but the rest of the Grantham innings was over in about 10 minutes! Dougie began the carnage, having G Nut well caught at midwicket by Adam. Skipper Donnellan also fell to the super-aggressive Doug, caught by Skipper Tim who was having a superb with the bat and field placings. Opening bat Rory was the only one to really apply himself, scoring 23 before lofting Liam to Lamin who held his second catch.

Dougie (5-13 off 5) couldn’t resist buying the boys another jug of Fosters and earned his contribution, taking his fifth wicket thanks to Lamin’s third catch (out of four attempts....sorry John). Liam (3-35 off 5) eventually listened to the advice being hurled at him by everyone and bowled a straight one, earning his third wicket. Liam was slightly entertained.


Sporty avec Woods - Grantham (h)

Sporty with a trio of firsts


As last man Notso Smart tip-toed to the crease, Tim bowed to immense pressure from the roaring crowd, and brought a very sporty-looking Scotty on to bowl. The elated crowed (Benny and Robyn) didn’t have to wait long to see their hero (1-0 off 0.3) get his maiden SLBL wicket, a small boy lofting a catch to long on where Adam performed a very entertaining juggling act, before completing his second catch. Liam was bored again.


Ant - Grantham (h)

Ant turns up just in time to get the first round in


Grantham were all out for a rather embarrassing 51 in 10.3 overs. DannyBoy had cheered up enough to stop calling every Baston player a w*****, but not enough to shake hands. The Baston boys celebrated back in the Spinner where there were jugs a-plenty. Eventually, some beer turned up too! Scotty wasn’t allowed a pint though as part of his parole from jail.

Unfortunately, Grantham declined the offer of joining their destroyers for a beer. To be fair, most of the team were already up past bed time and Danny was too busy deciding who to beat up first, with Baston star Jono getting a drive-by of abuse as they left.

Group - Grantham (h)


Post Match Comments:

Scotty: “My parole officer was really pleased with my performance today.”

Felix: “Dish!! Diiiiiish!! DIIIIIISH!!”

Dougie: “That Danny Ashley’s a nice bloke. Can we play him every week?”

Danny Ashley: “F*** off you w*****!”