Off To A Magic Start

By Adam Hilless - April 19 2011
Off To A Magic Start
Bow Wow! Baston started their season with a trip to local rivals Spalding 3rds, on a beautiful mid April Saturday. Read Adam's report here...

It’s that time of year again, the time of year when wives, fiancées and girlfriends give up any hope of seeing their men on a Saturday, and spend Sunday cleaning up their spare rooms after Felix’s drunken antics. It must be cricket season.

It was more like mid-July than pre-Easter as Baston made the short trip to play their best buddies Spalding 3rds under glorious sunshine. Practically every Baston selection rule was violated for their trip to carrot crunching territory:

Selection Rule


No gingers


No teachers


No awful bores


No dopey morons


No one with the potential to take more wickets than Tim

Doug, Grumps

No one with the potential to score more runs than Felix

Lloyd, Towns, Lamin, Bowser, Grumps, AGF, Tim, Adam, Ben, Doug


In the absence of regular openers Anthony (away on “business”) and Jono (man flu), Towns and groundsman Lloydie opened the batting. To save himself the inconvenience of moving, Lloydie threw the bat at anything and everything, clubbing 9 boundaries so quickly that scorers Paul Doe and Harry Potter could barely keep up.

Just for a change, Lloyd was dismissed playing a slog down the ground. When abnormally-thin Towns followed for 19, best chums Lamin and Bowser were left to continue the good start.

Lloyd Pie Chart - Spalding


Scorers - Spalding

Left: Paul Doe does his Valentino Rossi impression. Right: Harry Potter (avec invisibility cloak)


And that they did, amassing a quite brilliant partnership of 137 in quick time. Lamin was unlucky to pick out the man with the largest head in the league (T. Clack), falling for 47. Big-time Charlie Felix was given his chance up the order, coming in at number 5 in the 41st over with the ever-impressive Bowser on 90*. Having not quite understood the concept of final overs hitting, he produced a wonderful array of blocks, misses, leaves and edges, before departing in the 44th over for 5. Baston finished on a very respectable 235-4 thanks to Bowsers knock of 98 not out.

Quizzed about his innings at tea, Felix stated “I didn’t care how many runs I got, I just wanted to make sure Bowser didn’t get a ton. He’s just not as good as my Bourne crew, Stroudy and Binnsy.” A very nice teas was enjoyed by all, once Clarkey had eventually let someone else get to the buffet. The cups of tea were a little late coming because Harry Potter forgot to put the boiler on. Minus 5 points to Gryffindor for that.


Harry Potter - Spalding

Harry - Poor effort at teas


Dougie and Grumps opened the bowling and it didn’t take the latter long to open his account for the season, clean bowling 3 of the Spalding top order, leaving them reeling on 19-3. Last season’s overseas player of the year Dougie soon got in on the act, claiming a further two wickets, the second thanks to a stunning sliding catch from Ginger nut Grace to dismiss the grumpy really happy groundsman.

It was left to old turnip ‘ead Clarkey and 7ft10 Big Stu to see off Doug and Grumps’ impressive opening spells (no pun intended). Adam and self-proclaimed Captain Marvel took over the bowling responsibility while Doug and Grumps collapsed in a heap down at long leg.

With not enough runs on the board, the usual loopy floaty 11mph dross soon finished the Spalding innings off. Oh, and Tim got some wickets too. Having spent the last few overs facing good bowling from Grumps and Doug, Clarkey was completely out-witted by Adams slow knee high full-toss, which was slapped straight to carrot-top AGF. Tim sent Jake “the Terminator” Morton and – after being dispatched into the fields via a nearby flight path – Big Stu back to the pavilion, leaving Adam to clean up the tail, including his first ever “proper” wicket, a caught behind.

Turnip/Carrot Head - Spalding

Baston won the battle of the vegetable heads


Spalding were reduced to 120 all out, handing Baston a 115run victory.

The teams were enjoying a friendly beer together after the game until Clarkey emerged and starting reeling off his book of Spalding Town catchphrases; nice bunch of lads, we only play seconds in the seconds, yada yada. It took him 20 minutes to realise everyone had got bored and gone home.


Shocked Crowd - Spalding

Adam took 3 wickets!


Back in the Spinner, the antics of 2010 were nowhere to be seen. Felix wasn’t hammered, Ben wasn’t moody, Tim didn’t offend anyone, Lamin didn’t vandalise anything, and Grumps took longer than 4 seconds to drink his pint. Unfortunately though, some things never change, and Bowser bored everyone to death talking them through every ball of his 98 not out, and Tim had a bag-on because he didn’t take the most wickets.

It may only be one week into the new season, but the cricket league is finally the right way up, with Baston sitting proudly on top with maximum points.

Yawn - Spalding

Bowser talks everyone through his innings