The first of a series of connected walks in Teesdale. The Tees is England’s hidden gem of a river. Peopled by smog monsters near its mouth, it’s a beauty for miles upstream from Piercebridge, a former Roman village between Darlington and Barnard Castle.

Follow the A67 out of "Barney" and where it turns left to cross the river on a traffic-lighted bridge, make for a gap in the wall under the castle ruins and follow it through woods alongside the Tees. Keep to the lower path when you get a choice, though be careful not to do so too early on … you’ll finish up in the river.

The path is well defined through Flatts Wood for almost two miles … be careful of dog shit.

You’ll eventually emerge into a field through a gate. Keep the wall on your right and a couple of hundred yards further on, turn sharp right through a gate and climb steeply for a couple of hundred yards. Promise yourself a pie reward at the top.

●Barnard Castle, from the footbridge across the Tees to the west.

At the top, after a stile (or was it a gate?), turn sharp left and follow the path alongside the fence at the edge of the fields with wooded slopes down to the river on your left. In the second field, dogs from East Home House will probably bark a “welcome” … stick two fingers up at them and taunt them with your pies. Or better still, give them a blast on your high frequency whistle.

You’ll then bear right and pass in front of West Holme House, where more dogs may want to take a bit out of you. Give them a blast on your whistle. Keep to the path as it bears left and leaves the farm, following yellow waymark arrows through a couple of fields before you bear right, drop down into a small side valley, cross the stream via a fenced footbridge and climb up the other side looking for another stile in the wall on your left.

Go through and again follow the path towards the wall on your left. Beware of the bull in this field … one of our experts was once chased by one and had to take evasive action over a wall, crushing his pies in the process.

After two more fields, the path crosses a stile and drops down through woods to the riverside. Cross a boggy, ridged field and head for a footbridge in the far corner, noting the meeting of the waters on your left where the River Balder flows into the Tees.

Cross the Tees first, then turn left and cross the Balder on another footbridge and turn right to climb a steep, narrow road past the local footy pitch into Cotherstone. The Fox and Hounds is in front of you and if you own a BMW or a Range Rover and like to eat things like aubergine and cashew nut loaf with cucumber and mint salsa, you may go in (not that it's on the menu, but you know what we mean). There is nothing wrong with people who drive these cars, of course, but we would have grave doubts about somebody who goes into a pub and orders all that aubergine muck. They (the pub, not the aubergine eaters) sell Black Sheep.

People who eat pies and only drive ordinary cars should turn left down the main street and head for the Red Lion, where the young landlord is a canny lad, the locals are very friendly and the beer is well kept. The crisps are those salt n shake ones, too.

After your refreshments, leave the pub by the front door and turn right to continue along the main street. After passing the school on your right, look out for a signed footpath called Mire Lane on the left. Take it and follow the waymarks and stiles across a few fields. At the end of a wall on your right, cross a stile and head straight on with a ditch and hedge on your left, crossing it by another stile before heading for a low bridge over a beck with the edge of a wood on your left. Continue along the path across an abandoned railway line before heading for a bridge under another line ahead. This time cross a fence and gain access to the line and turn left to follow it for just over a mile as it curves in a south westerly direction towards Barnard Castle. The line comes to a sudden halt in front of what’s left of an old viaduct that used to take the line high across the Tees before being vandalised by the Government. Take a path to your right that drops steeply down through the woods, past a couple of cottages before running alongside the river. It’s easy to follow and will eventually bring you out near the entrance to Deerbolt Young Offenders Institute. Simply follow the road across the bridge and back into Barnard Castle.