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The day began in bright sunshine and the weeks dismal weather had all but washed away, I wandered out to the middle to place the stumps into the ground and I had to wander back to fetch a hammer. The FCG track resembled the WACA of the mid 1980’s when Lillee and Thompson were tormenting pommie batsmen with severe pace and bounce, so much so that it was nigh on impossible to get an LBW decision as everything was bouncing over the top.
We all arrived at the FCG in great spirits; especially Mr Hague who I’m not sure if everyone is aware has become a star on the small screen, that’s right Stuart was on television. He was a star in MTV’s newest reality TV show, “Pimp my Caravan” and he arrived at the FCG in said caravan with a beaming smile and a horn that played the theme tune to the 1980’s hit TV series, Minder. Ever the Arthur Daley, caravan Stu even managed to sell an old caravan to the BAC boys during the tea interval.
Before I move onto the cricketing issues, it has been reported that ITV are thinking of recording a new series of “The Thin Blue Line”, a light hearted family comedy based on the daily routine’s of the great British bobby. Most of the cast have apparently lined up to revive their old roles with a couple of new faces; I had heard that our very own Rupert was in line for such a role? Any truth in this…………..Inspector?
Anyway, we all had our usual warm ups, throws downs, followed by some bowling and some high octane fielding drills, on occasions this year we have even looked a very good fielding unit at this point, well all except the warm ups at Vernon’s! As I wandered out for the toss I was slightly concerned with the light reflecting off a local conservatory, ala Old Trafford and the famous Dickie Bird. We came to an arrangement where no batsman would hit the ball in the air towards me when I was facing that for fear of curling up into a ball screaming “bright light, bright light”!!!
I won the toss and made the only decision having seen the rock hard nature of the track and speedy outfield, also in the extreme heat it was going to be a tough day in the field, so we batted first. I soon came to regret my decision as Steven Hawking’s, a replacement for Whatkey who was otherwise engaged, no pun intended, in wife-snatching duties, batted for 44.4 overs for 5, the only surprise was that he was caught at mid-off trying to go over the top with 2 balls left in the innings. His 185 ball 5 is actually a new record in the Palace Shield.
Barry and Steven opened and Barry made a speedy start despite being jetlagged from his trip to New York to watch the Federer v Djokovic semi final at Flushing Meadows. Barry was, however; soon back in the hutch with a breezy 35 to his name after being stumped switch hitting. It was at this point that myself and Marcel felt like Damien Martyn in the 2005 ashes as we both middled balls into our pads and were sent on our way. Is it not about time you cheat poms were kicked out of world cricket after your recent revelations that you could nt beat us fairly so you had to cheat? Who does hold the ashes? Although it would not of made any difference to Matty Hayden anyway, he’d of still planted his front foot and been LBW.
Back to our game, having lost a couple of wickets Power and Steven set about rebuilding the innings, it was slow going to start with, with Steven hogging the strike due to inexplicable tactics from BAC, normally Steven can count to 6 but it appeared as though BAC were counting as well allowing byes consistently on the 6th ball of the over to keep our pinch hitter on strike! Eventually the pressure told and although Power, on one of the few balls he faced, was lucky not to be given out LBW sweeping a straight ball, in his desperation to get on strike he was eventually run out for the 14th time this season.
Our indifferent batting display continued as Beefy was, having grafted for at least 8 balls for his 43 was distracted by what many swear was the Lousiville, Kentucky mogul Colonel Harland Sanders with a bargain bucket in his hands, now Beefy swears this is not true and I for one am prepared to believe him. Beefy would not have left a bargain bucket in his bag, he’d of finished it before he went out to bat!!!!
We did up the scoring rate as Stuart Azharuddin manipulated balls short and wide outside off over the top of short fine leg and despite Steven being dismissed 2 balls short of the close we finished on 196 for 8, a fine display considering 191 runs were scored from 85 balls before dashing into the clubhouse for as normal a delightful tea. Many thanks to all volunteers throughout this season for all your help; we do very much appreciate it.
I began my half time team talk by quoting a particular hero of mine, the English poet, Oscar Wilde, “There are certain defining moments in a man’s life, moments which can pass you by if you’re not careful. But if you can seize that moment, grab it by the balls and squeeze it, then and only then can you call yourself a man. Now is one such moment. Barry, bring out the pies”.
This must have served to get the adrenaline flowing in some of the bowling attack, especially Bomber Duerden who in his 5.4 overs doubled his league wicket tally for the season, taking 8 for 8, all this with a stab wound and 4.9 tonnes of Vaseline on. It seemed we were inspired as some unlikely sources fielded like Jonty Rhodes, one such catch by Beefy deserved to win a World Cup final and be replayed on Sky over and over again, obvious England won’t get to a World Cup final but still.
We came so close but after 20 overs in the response the weather turned and it was a matter of time before it eventually poured down leaving BAC 79 for 8 and meant neither side could force a result. This result left us safe which has been our season objective on our first season back in the top flight and as such we should view it as a job well done, there are things to improve on for next year but having beaten what looks like the Champions at home and come close twice against the runners up, we have proved we can more than compete in the top division and next year we need to push on.
In other news I and some friends on Saturday evening were foolish enough to pay the £14.95 to get the Amir Khan fight on pay-per-view. A delightful little evening began with our old chum the cook, Ainsley Harrison fighting early on before Amir came out, anyway, as the evening dragged on and more the early fights on the card dragged on we were getting impatient, as you might expect, but eventually the moment we were waiting for arrived, Amir strode out confidently. It was when both fighters got to the ring that we all had to do a double take, who was that referee? That’s right, it was Barry Willis, eating a pie!!! Unbelievable Jeff!!!
Right I shall leave you on my way to Russia in a televisually stunning Triumph Spitfire that was once owned by the great Shaggy who due to the unorthodox configuration of Cadbury’s Milk Tray in Debenhams just north of Peckham market was forced into making a quick sale before there was a caramel incident.
Moscow
Dave
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NEXT FIXTURE
Thornton (1), Thornton (2), Gregson Lane (3)
VENUE
FCG, Illawala, Gregson Lane
DATE
Saturday 18th April
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