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WHAT GOES ON TOUR STAYS ON TOUR!
By Bill Staite - July 30 2005
Here is the match report from our game v Woodgreen which took place in the beautiful setting of the New Forest. Not all of the cricket matched the setting but some of it certainly did. Work it out for yourselves. >

Here is a short match report from our ‘tour’ game at Woodgreen in the New Forest. I don’t pretend to be a Penndragon, Big Bird or Blowers so don’t expect too much.

As is tradition, no toss was made and Wombourne opened the batting on a very wet track with a considerable amount of drizzle still falling. The batting order was determined by drawing lots and a little trading.

Jack ‘Poolside Jnr’ Phillips opened with Josh ‘Chachi’ Carpenter. With the score on 6 in the 3rd over Poolside Jnr decided Chachi had had a long enough innings (4 balls) and proceeded to run him out by some distance.

Enter Neil ‘Edger’ Elwell our true big hitting batsman who was certain to speed up the run rate. WRONG he played back his first 9 balls faced for 0. After much barracking and the threat of large fines from his team mates he opened his shoulders and hit 3 offside 4s in one over. He finally perished in the 9th over being bowled with the score on 34 and his personal contribution being 16 (all offside 4s) off 19 balls.

Kris ‘Exile’ Rivett then strode proudly to the wicket for his first knock of the season – hence ‘exile’. He lasted 9 balls before holing out for the princely score of 2 (both singles) and the total on 42 in the 12th over. In the course of the catch being taken the Exile and Poolside Jnr managed to cross.

Out strode David ‘Chesney’ Hemming to take up his position at the non-striking end, but then disaster. The very next ball Poolside Jnr presented a bit more catching practice to the opposition and fell for a very well made 22 off 39 balls. A fine effort on his tour debut.

Next into the arena was Michael ‘Textman’ Rogers to face the hat-trick ball, a fact he was reminded of with vigour by the Woodgreen players and the Umpire (me). He survived the immense pressure and survived the last ball of the over. The next wicket to fall was that of young Chesney who had made the grand total of 2 off 12 balls with one scoring shot before being caught. The total at this stage was 59 off 17 overs. The game was planned for 35 overs a side so with 5 wickets down and half the overs gone things weren’t looking too bright for the Wombourne tourists in very poor batting conditions.

The last of our youngsters Scott ‘Clark Kent’ Pedder took his place at the crease next but only lasted 3 balls when getting an edge thicker than Wenlock to the keeper. The decision was hotly disputed by young Clark much to the amusement of everyone else on the field as the keeper took the splinters out of the ball. We know it was down to disappointment and frustration as he had scored the same as Poolside Jnr (0) but lasted a ball less. Score now 62 for 6 off 18 overs.

Enter Ben ‘Window Shatter’ Woodall (WSW) with the task of not only surviving but also putting a few runs on the board for the bowlers to try and defend. WSW faced 18 balls before being bowled for 6. Only 3 scoring shots 4,1,1 with 15 dots (why no fine?). That left us on 74 for 7 in the 23rd over needing something special or a lot of luck.

Steve ‘Highlights’ Rich went to join Textman in the middle and wow didn’t things change. Textman went on to make a splendid 50 off 52 balls before being informed by the captain that he had to retire not out due to ‘tweaked hamstring’. As Textman exited the field to loud applause he was reminded to limp which he duly did, albeit for only half a dozen steps. The score was now standing at 144 for 7 in the 34th over.

Then came the moment the crowd was waiting for. Streamline (guess who wrote this) Bill ‘Scramble’ Staite marched menacingly onto the wicket. Scramble hit his first ball for 2 with a fine flick through mid-wicket followed by an exquisite single to a shortish third man. The sight of such a fine batsman at the other end obviously inspired Highlights and he hit 13 off his next 4 balls 4,1 (end of over), 2, 6 to reach an excellent 50 off only 46 balls. Another shout came up from the captain and another mystery injury occurred forcing Highlights to retire not out to allow the skipper to come in at number 11. An interesting fact, not to be overlooked, is that Highlights and Scramble shared a stand of 16 off only 6 balls taking the score to 160 for 7 off 34.2 overs.

Andy ‘Kray Twins’ Handley joined the dominating Scramble in the middle and worked his first ball for a single. Scramble then dug out the yorker of all yorkers but still managed to guide it to fine leg for a single. Kray Twins then played back a dot ball before being bowled off the last ball of the innings for 1 off 4 balls.

Scramble, who was a last minute call up following an injury to Bob ‘Claude Greengrass’ Plant, was left on 4 not out off only 3 ball giving him a strike rate of just over 133 and surely depriving him of at least a 50. The innings finished on 164 for 8.

Our thanks go out to Claude, in his position of 12th man, for providing the liquid refreshments during the game.

Being a particularly slow one fingered typist the innings of Woodgreen will be summarised briefly.

Woodgreen 135 for 8 off 35 overs.

G Naish 40
S Richards 28
J Budden 19

Clark Kent 5-1-10-0
WSW 5-1-18-0
Chesney 5-0-23-1
Kray Twins 5-0-13-1
Exile 6-0-17-4
Edger 5-0-27-0
Poolside Jnr 2-0-8-0
Chachi 2-0-7-2

The figures only tell a small part of the story with Exile ripping the heart out of the middle order, 3 bowled and 1 c&b, with a devastating exhibition of pace bowling. Chachi overcame the disappointment of being run out by Poolside Jnr by getting 2 for 8, both bowled. However, the highlight of the second innings came with the home side standing at 60 for 0 in the 16th over. Kray Twins sent down another ‘Pucka’ delivery which was missed by the opening bat. In the blink of an eye Scramble had whipped the bails off and the unfortunate batsman was on his way. It was a match turning stumping which lifted the spirits of the Wombourne fielders who must have thought that Adam Gilchrist was guesting for them.

I have tried to give an honest and totally unbiased view of the game, and personal performances, which I’m sure you’ll agree I have managed to do.

I know a lot of you will want to know what happened while we weren’t playing cricket. I will answer that with the old adage:

WHAT GOES ON TOUR STAYS ON TOUR!